It’s Sunday morning and a cricket is chirping very loudly and non-stop somewhere in this house. It literally sounds like it's right next to me. I find the incessant chirping quite annoying and figure there must be something I need to embrace about "cricket medicine" as taught in indigenous traditions, so of course I looked it up. Everything I read basically says cricket heralds “heightened intuition, sensitivity, awareness and balance of action”. Balance of action definitely fits the bill here but I sure don't feel like I need my intuition, sensitivity and awareness heightened! lol Frankly, as far as I’m concerned I’m feeling way too much of that these days! I need grounding, focus and a burst of the "old me" energy so I can show up, feet to the fire, and move through the mundane responsibilities and tasks of life while courageously facing the chaos, fear, resistance, procrastination, confusion, clutter, and overwhelm I can so often feel when meeting life right where it is from wherever I am. This is particularly true right now with de-cluttering my home but in truth those have been the "old me" lifelong patterns on many levels. So this is an all-too familiar energy and feeling. I’m mindful and grateful that I’ve learned to navigate new ways of showing up more authentically and consciously in a lot of areas of my life but the one area that remains my greatest challenge is the physical clutter. And that’s my focus today. Well, truthfully, it’s my focus every day these days. It's become a monster that never goes away and it gets in my way. And now I find I'm at a 'clutter crossroads'. Panic and overwhelm ensues and seems to always trump all the cards I play. I want to do anything and everything BUT clear the clutter and I’m very good at distracting myself to avoid what I don’t want to do. Today I find the cricket’s chirp is distracting me and I am compelled to write about it. I don't yet know what it has to say to me; I just know it feels important and I know that writing about it will help me uncover it.
I used to be able to face this sort of resistance and challenge in life with more energy and confidence even though procrastination has been a lifelong albatross. It used to be that once I started a project there was no stopping me. I could easily imagine and envision the end result and holding on to that vision inspired me and kept me going, no matter what. Now the vision of a clutter free home feels unreachable and impossible. There's too many years to catch up on and present time seems to be moving faster and faster. I either can’t get started at all or once I do start I struggle to stay with it. I lose my momentum quickly as I get stuck all over again in the midst of it. I used to keep an immaculate and well organized house. I used to truly find pleasure in the maintenance of it and the “doing” and somehow that escapes me now. All I feel is the heavy burden of it. It takes so much energy now to just stay with it and if/when I do stick with it seemingly there's so little to show for my efforts in the end. It’s so much bigger than me. I just give up, leaving more unfinished and more chaos in its wake than when I started.
I didn’t used to “give up” so easily either. In fact, the "old me" refused to give up to the extent that I fully sacrificed myself over and over and over just to "keep up". But life has taught me a lot, even if it’s been the hard way, and that "old me energy" and old way of "get ‘er done, all or nothing, gun-to-the-head, do or die” is pretty much long gone now, or at least when it comes to navigating through this dense and physical layer of the material “stuff” of life.
I didn’t used to “give up” so easily either. In fact, the "old me" refused to give up to the extent that I fully sacrificed myself over and over and over just to "keep up". But life has taught me a lot, even if it’s been the hard way, and that "old me energy" and old way of "get ‘er done, all or nothing, gun-to-the-head, do or die” is pretty much long gone now, or at least when it comes to navigating through this dense and physical layer of the material “stuff” of life.
The burden of clutter and disorder has been with me for so long (and it’s so contrary to my truest nature) it’s now starting to feel like a real life gun to the head, do or die place. I don’t want to continue to live my life moving forward from that kind of fear-based energy. I want to discover, embrace and embody a new way of taking action from all levels of my being. I want to believe it's possible and that I can do it. No more throwing myself into the fire and pushing until I burn out. Believe me, I’m willing to die to the old again and again. I understand how that has to be done in order for real growth to occur and for the new to birth. From my birds-eye view life is a continual metaphorical, mystical, psychospiritual and shamanic cycle of death and rebirth. I’m not willing to give up on the future by staying stuck in the past. I’m willing to surrender and let go of what no longer serves me and die a new death in the spiral evolution of death and rebirth. My inner warrior knows when it’s time to surrender and shows me that in that surrender lies as great a triumph as any victory to guide me through.
So why am I still stuck? What am I holding on to? What is "my new way" through this very dense, mundane obstacle and challenge now? Sighs. I already know what I need "to do" and that knowing often becomes another set-up for failure as the answers are often lost or silenced by the harsh critical voices in my head and the dark, shadowy energies of the past. Silenced by the part of me that doesn’t want me to hear the truth that I am capable and worthy of moving forward and leaving this past behind me. I'm struck with the awareness that the past is exactly what I’m trying to clear here and the past lives inside all that material stuff, sharing time and space with all those old thoughts, beliefs, and energies that it’s "too hard, too limiting and I can’t see my way out, blah blah blah” that keep me from successfully clearing the clutter! What a catch 22! Where do I begin? What do I clear first? The mental or the physical clutter? They are inseparable. They are a perfect reflection of each other and they are fully enmeshed and each one hooks the other back in! Damn. It's no wonder the clutter holds so much power over me...those “Old beliefs, Old ways, Old patterns”…
*Life is hard.
*Life is limiting.
*I have to work hard and suffer in order to be rewarded and grow. No pain, no gain, right?
*I have to do it alone.
*I let myself down.
*If I start, I will fail.
*I will fail anyway.
*It will never be good enough.
*I am not good enough.
Ok. Winding my way back to the cricket's chirp now. How does the heightened, intuitive, sensitive medicine of the cricket help me find my way through all these old negative beliefs and patterns in a practical, grounded kind of way? When I asked that question I was amazed to hear the answer. I was quickly guided to listen to "God's Cricket Chorus". Please have a listen at the link below. It's really beautiful and quite amazing! Even if you've heard it before, listen again. We all need to remember and hear this hidden unsong song of the cricket...
"This unique piece is not a synthesizer or a choir singing, but the song of the crickets themselves. Jim Wilson has created this unique effect by slowing down the original cricket song to match and mirror the lifespan of the average human being. The result is a work that induces an atmostphere of peace, serenity and healing, all courtesy of Mother Nature"
And now I understand the message and the medicine of the cricket’s song for me today.
The cricket's annoying chirp to my human ears today is like the clutter in my house and in my life. It annoys, agitates and distracts me. I am powerless over it so all I want to do is either run away from it or destroy it because I know I can’t silence it. When I try to face the clutter from the mental, emotional and physical levels of being only, I disconnect myself from spirit. Like the heavenly “God’s Cricket Choir” that sings so magically through the cricket’s ordinary chirp when it’s slowed down to match the vibration at the human level reveals that there’s a power in the hidden song and higher vibration of Creator & Spirit to merge heaven and earth/spirit and matter, and create beauty, peace and a whole new song, so there is a power for me in the higher vibration of my connection with Creator, God/Goddess, Source and Spirit that’s already there for me, singing to me, calling me, waiting to be claimed, sung and infused into my world as the "new me" showing me "the way" through the mundane, through the clutter, and home to my heart's song. It’s the paradoxical, hidden, unsung music of heaven and earth. It's the paradox of being both a human being and a spiritual being. It’s the merging of the two dualities that becomes a beautiful new song that opens up the space for a whole new expression of beauty to be created. Yes. The "new way" that awaits me is my personal “unsung song” that also refuses to be silenced and lies hidden in the messiness of life and in the clutter. It's already there, ready to be released and revealed as I clear the clutter. Now that's inspiring!
So what’s my new way through? “New beliefs. New ways. New patterns” (that really don’t feel so new after all...they’ve been around for quite a while now ~ I just forget sometimes)
*Practice. Practice. Practice.
*Commitment ~ to myself first and foremost.
*Let go of ‘all or nothing’ beliefs
*Less can be more - not just in the "stuff" but also in the outcome. It's unrealistic and out of balance to try to get it all done in one fell swoop anymore. A de-cluttered corner has as much value as an entire de-cluttered room.
*Less can be more - not just in the "stuff" but also in the outcome. It's unrealistic and out of balance to try to get it all done in one fell swoop anymore. A de-cluttered corner has as much value as an entire de-cluttered room.
*Leap and trust the process.
*Start from right where I am.
*Accept my resistance and limitations as a teacher and guide rather than perceiving them as an immediate failure.
*Don’t wait for the fear, resistance or overwhelm to go away. Feel it. Name it. Embrace it.
*Do what I can today. One day at a time. Just Do It.
*Appreciate and value all my efforts, no matter how big or small.
*Balance the work with play.
*Be kind to myself.
*Ask for help along the way, both in Human and Spirit form. I can't do it alone. It's all so much bigger than me.
*Practice. Practice. Practice.
There is still a whisper of my ego and inner critic that’s trying to tell me I’m a failure from the get-go because I know I'm really the only one getting in my way here and I haven't been very successful yet, so why even try. But today I know better. On Sunday, I literally heard the crickets chirping everywhere I went - indoors and outdoors. Today the cricket’s song is singing louder than that nasty critic’s voice and is helping me remember. I’m really not a failure. I’m just very human and I’m figuring it out as I go. Someday I'll be singing my unsung song. In the meantime, I will listen to God's Cricket Choir before I begin any clutter clearing and during it whenever I get stuck to remind me that the density of all that I'm clearing is already lifted to a new vibration and so I am also lifted, just for the asking.
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